एक चिट्ठी एकतरफ़ा प्यार के नाम

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​ऐसे तो हजारों खत लिखे होंगे हमने, कुछ पन्नो पर, कुछ मन में। शायद ये मेरा आखिरी सन्देश हो। शायद हम हर मर्ज़ को छिपाना सीख गए हैं। मेरी मुलाक़ात कहने को तो ज़िन्दगी के हर मुकाम पर कई अलग तरह के लोगो से हुई हैं, पर आज तक ऐसा संयोग नही बना की किसी ऐसे से मिलूं जिसके बारे में हर पल सोच सकूँ। फिर एक दिन आपका आना हुआ। एक सुखद एहसास थे आप। प्रथम द्रष्ट्या तो ये पहली नज़र का प्यार लगा।। फ़िर धीरे धीरे, हर चीज़ अच्छी लगने लगी।। आपका स्वभाव, आपकी मुस्कान, आपका मुश्किलों से लड़ने का तरीका, हिम्मत नहीं हारने का जज़्बा, हर चीज़ आकर्षित करती थी। शायद मैं कभी शब्दों में बयां न कर सकूं इतने पसंद हैं आप। एक समय ऐसा आया कि आपको देखें बिना दिन गुज़ारना मुश्किल था। आपकी परछाई तक पहचानती हूँ   मैं। आप अंजान हैं मेरी मोहब्बत से, या अनदेखा कर रहे हैं, मुझे नहीं पता। पर इश्क़ तो हैं, जो मुकम्मल नहीं होता।

आज भी याद है जब मैंने पहली बार हिमाकत की थी आपसे बात करने की, पर दिल के हाथों मजबूर ज़ुबां  कभी ज़्यादा कुछ बयाँ ना कर सकी। होठों से ज़्यादा आंखों से जज़्बातो की कहानी सुनाते सुनाते कब खुद अपनी कहानी बुन बैठी पता ही नही चला। छोटी छोटी बातों का सिलसिला यूँ ही लंबा हो गया। मुझे आज भी वो शाम याद हैं जब मैंने आपको पहली बार मैसेज भेजा था। उस दिन से छोटी – छोटी बातों का सिलसिला जारी रहा । 2016 की दिसम्बर की शाम की यादें आज भी ताजी हैं । आपका मेरा हाल पूछना ही मुझे संतुष्टि दे गया। बातों ही बातों में, मैं अधिक ही उत्तेजित हो कर आपकी तारीफ करते करते न थक रहीं थी। भावनाओं में बह कर मैंने आपसे यह भी कह डाला था कि मैं आपकी कितनी तारीफ अपने घर वालों से भी करतीं हूँ ।मुझे पता हैं आप यह सब भूल चुके होंगे पर मैं कैसे भूल जाऊँ?  

कुछ अधिक ही प्यार हो गया अपने नाम से मुझे, जब आपने मेरा नाम लिया। कई बार मेरी मुस्कुराहट की एकमात्र वजह आप होते हैं। पता है अच्छा लगता है आपको जब मैं एकटक निहारती हूँ आपको। ज्ञात हैं मुझे कि आपको बहुत बार एहसास हुआ कि मैं आपको चुपके से देखती हूँ । बेशक अंदाज़ा हैं आपको मेरी मोहब्बत का, नहीं तो क्यों बेवजह आप वहीं जैकेट पहन के जानबूझ कर मेरे सामने इतराने आते जिसकी मैंने एक रात पहले तारीफ़ की थी । जन्मदिन आपका था और आपसे ज़्यादा उत्साहित थी मैं। पता  नहीं कितने ही शब्दों को सोचा था और एक दिन पहले ही एक अच्छा सा संदेश आपके लिए लिख डाला था। कौतूहलवश रात को नींद नहीं आयी थी की कहीं आपको पसन्द नही आई तो। दुख बस इस बात का ही कि इतनी कोशिशों के बाद भी ये इश्क़ एकतरफा है । 

आपसे एक बात कहूँ , मैं कभी भी अपना जन्मदिन फेसबुक पर दिखाना नहीं चाहती। पर इस साल मैंने जानबूझकर उसे सार्वजनिक रखा। मेरे दिल में उम्मीद थी कि आप मुझे कम से कम जन्मदिन की बधाई जरूर देंगे । पर वो कहते हैं ना अपेक्षा आपको निराशा ही भेंट देती है। आपकी हर तस्वीर मैं फेसबुक पर सिर्फ उस वक़्त पसन्द करती हूँ जब आपके नाम के आगे एक हरी बिंदु सी नज़र आती हैं। याद हैं एक बार पूछा था मैंने आपसे कि क्या आप ट्विटर इस्तेमाल करते हैं। 2 वर्षीय बच्चे की तरह खिलखिला उठी थी मैं जब आपने मुझे बताया कि आप इंस्टाग्राम इस्तेमाल करते हैं और मैंने हस के जवाब दिया था कि मुझे यह पहले से पता है। जी चाहता हैं कुछ बोलूं, पर डर लगता हैं। आपसे सम्बंधित दर्जनों यादें मेरे ज़ेहन में कैद है पर दु:ख कि बात यह है कि यह सब कुछ एक तरफा हैं । 

मैंने अपने दिल के जज़्बात बहुत लोगों को सुनाया था पर अब मैंने यह भी करना बंद कर दिया । जानना चाहते हो क्यूँ?  क्योंकि अब मैं थक चुकी थी यह सुनते  सुनते कि मैं खुद को तकलीफ पहुँचा रही हूँ । मैं मानती हूँ सब सच बोल रहे हैं। पर काश दिल भी दिमाग की तरह समझदार होता । मेरे जीवन में बहुत खास लोग हैं जिनके लिए मैंने कुछ न कुछ जरूर लिखा है । पर आप पहले इंसान हैं जिसके लिए मैंने 100 लेख लिख डाले । पता हैं सबसे बुरी बात क्या हैं?  मुझे पता  ही नहीं कि आपने आज तक एक भी लेख पढ़ा भी है या नहीं । खैर तब भी मैं संतुष्ट हूँ क्योंकि इनको लिख कर मैं अपने एक तरफा प्यार को सारी उमर संजो कर रख सकती हूँ । 

मुझे पता है जब सही समय आएगा और मैं आपके आगे अपने प्यार को कबूल कर पाऊंगी तब तक आप मेरी  जिन्दगी से काफी आगे जा चुके होंगे । पर आज मैं बहुत मजबूर हूँ । आपकी “हाँ” या “नहीं” पर यह बात खत्म नहीं होगी । मेरा आपके लिए जो प्यार हैं उसको आपके सामने आज बोलना बहुत चीजों को तहस नहस कर देगा।

आप बहुत ही उम्दा इंसान हैं । मुझे आपकी हर एक अदा से मोहब्बत हो गयी। आपकी सादगी से लेकर आपके शांत स्वभाव से। आपके बात करने के ढंग से, आपका कुछ परिस्थितियों पर प्रतिक्रिया देने के अंदाज से ; मुझे सब कुछ से प्यार हो गया । मुझमें धीरज की बहुत ही कमी है, और आपका धैर्य देखकर मैं अकस्मात ही आकर्षित हो गई।मैं जानती हूँ आप मेरे जीवन साथी नहीं होंगे इस जन्म में;पर मैं दिल से चाहती हूँ कि मेरा जीवन साथी बिलकुल आपकी तरह ही हो। 

एक आखिरी बात आपको कहना चाहती हूँ कि इस चिट्ठी को पढ़ कर आपको पता लग जाएगा कि आप कौन हैं । मुझे दिल से खुशी होगी कि आप मुझसे खुद बात करें कि आप जान गए हैं कि मेरी भावनाएँ आपके लिए हैं । मेरे दिल में और भी बहुत बातें हैं जो मैं सिर्फ आपको कहना चाहती हूँ । मुझे पता है आप मेरे प्यार को नहीं स्वीकार करेंगे पर कम से कम मुझे अपने दिल की सारी बातें आपसे कह तो लेने दीजिए ।।

– निधि

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​THE LAST LETTER TO CRUSH 

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Dear Crush,

You know this is the last crush diary I am writing for you. Why?  

am tired of expressing my feelings. It hurts me every day. I met many people in my life but did not find anyone so good that my whole mind and heart is covered with that particular person thought. The first day I saw you I just liked you by your looks. With the passing of days your nature, the way you spoke, the way you smile and the way you handled certain situations with patience made me fall for you. The day I realized that I just do not like you, I am madly in love with you. With each day my love for you kept growing. There came a time when without seeing you one day I would feel restless. Even I would see your shadow I would have thousand volt smiles on my face. 

I still remember the first time I messaged you on Facebook and from that day we used to talk randomly. But I never had the courage to speak more than Hello, Good evening or Good Morning. On 23rd December 2016 when I messaged and you asked me, “How are you?” This small message from you just gave me bit courage to talk more to you. It was the first day when I appreciated you a lot on your face. In the flow, I even told you that how much I appreciate you in front of my parents too. I know you recognize me well from the face but from the name you knew me only after that day. I could not stop blushing when next day we met and you said you have a nice name. Trust me, since that day I have started loving my name more. I know you would have forgotten all this but how can I forget? 

I know even you notice me smiling at you. I know you have caught me several times staring at you. I never knew I would fall so much for you that I would feel restless when I did not get a chance to see you or talk to you. You made me sure of the fact that you know that I love you. If you do not know why did you smile whenever you would notice me? The memories of January 2017 are still fresh in my mind. I complimented you for one of your jacket and next day you came wearing that jacket. I know you came in front of me deliberately to show me the jacket. How can you expect me to be normal? Anyone could read my face and know I was blushing. I know even you noticed it. 

You know on your birthday I was awakened whole night from 12 AM. The birthday wishes I sent you, was written by me a day before only. I wanted to wish you when you were online and you came online in the morning. You know I never keep my birthday public on Facebook. But this year I kept it open because I had a little hope that you might wish me. But it is rightly said, “Expectations leads to Disappointment.” 

Do you remember I once asked you if you use twitter? And you replied saying that you use Instagram.Like a 2-year-old girl, I got excited to tell you that I already know this and follow you there.  I usually like your pictures on Facebook when you are online. I want that you don’t miss that notification. I wish to speak everything but feel scared.I have dozens of memories attached to you but the sad part is it is all one-sided. 

I have actually poured out my heart in front of many people but now I even stopped doing that. The reason behind everyone would say me the same thing that you are hurting yourself. He does not even know. They are actually right. I wish if the heart was also as smart as the brain. 

There are many special people in my life. I would have written dozens of posts for them but you are the first person for whom I kept on writing and wrote hundreds of crush diaries. The worst part is that I know you would not have read even a single one. But still, I am fine. I am actually satisfied because by posting these I can cherish my one-sided love forever. 

I know until the right time comes and I will be in a state to tell you my feelings you will be gone far from my life. But at present even I am helpless. It’s not about getting a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. My confession to you at present would destroy many things. You are an amazing person I have ever known. I fell in love with everything in you; from your simplicity to your calm nature. In the way, you talk to the way you react to certain situations. I know I won’t get married to you in this birth but I hope the person I get married to be the photocopy of you.

The last thing I would say that after reading this letter you will actually know who you are. I would love if you message me with a confirmation. I have much more things in the heart to say that I want to say only to you. I know you may not love me back but let me at least pour out my heart completely. 

I love you… ❤

– Nidhi

MY ALL TIME SAVIOR

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​Grandparents are always the first and true best friends of their grandchildren. No doubt the bond they share is lovely. Grandparents are always the first savior for us whenever we do some mistakes. I still remember how my grandfather saved me from getting scolded by my parents. I used to visit my grandparents twice a year with my parents. As soon as I would reach Darbhanga they would treat me as if I am some big celebrity. Among all the grand children; they loved me more because I was the first one who called them’ “Dada Ji” and “Dadi Maa.”


I could spend only a few days with my grandfather because only in holidays I would visit them and he left us all in 2008. I could only get the love of my grandfather for 12 years.


I feel lucky enough because I have my grandmother by my side. From 2013 I am living with her. After coming permanently to Darbhanga I realized what all I was missing for all these years. Whenever I have to watch some T.V show and my father is watching something else. My grandmother acts like a magician and takes the blame on herself that she wants to watch it. I remember once she got caught too because everyone knew that watching Roadies is not my granny cup of tea. But for me, she keeps on lying.

 I still share my room with her. At night both of us have dozens of stories to tell each other. I know she misses grandfather so despite I feel sleepy at times I do listen what she says. At times she is an ATM to me. When my pocket money finishes before the month she secretly gives me money.
In this busy schedule, we do not have time even for our parents someday. But I strongly feel we should always be connected to our grandparents. Rather than using social media in evening we can sit with our grandparents for a while. Only 10 minutes and see the happiness on their face. If you live in some other city, try calling them once a week. You might not miss them but they surely miss you every minute of their life..

https://youtu.be/gSgbmaFKWIU

I am a lazy girl who does not like doing even single household chores. This makes my grandmother worried. At times, she shares this with me too and I ignore it. On this Grandparents day, I will take a pledge to learn few household chores. For tomorrow, I will prepare the whole of lunch to bring that thousands volt smile on her face. I am sure by this gesture of mine I would be able to express my love for her and tell her how much she holds importance in my life… ❤ I am sure she will love my style of #LoveJatao ..

I look forward to hear from you how would you celebrate Grandparents Day. Do share a selfie with your grandparents on Sept. 10, 2017 on Twitter or Facebook with #LoveJatao & tag @blogadda to win a goodie from Parachute Advansed. 

LOVE YOU MY JUG

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Childhood is one of the best parts in anyone’s life. We have heard this from our childhood, “Bache maan k Saache”. Isn’t it? And this statement is very much true to some extent. No matter, how much you teach something to a child, he will only do what his heart says to do it. One get easily friend to anyone they meet only if that person touches the child heart. Every person when first time goes to school surely cries. Everywhere there are only new faces around them. Teachers try their best to make each student feel comfortable. I remember being admitted to Kerala Samajham Model School in Jamshedpur. This was my first school. I cried a lot on the very first day a lot. I did not like anyone. But till recess time, I liked everyone around me. We all became friends and even shared our lunch boxes. The girl who did not wanted to go to school the first day, was dying hard to go to school the very next day because of being excited to meet those new friends. Among all those friends, there was a girl, Sahiba who became my closest friend. We both used to sit together in class and won’t leave each other for a second. Everyone knew about the bond we share. If we saw each other talking or sitting with someone else, we would fight a lot. It was like we owe each other. Whenever we would fight we would be seen writing letter to each other mother and next day we would be friends again. I am sure that no other pair of friends would have done this.The purest friendship where there was no politics and hatred. After 5th standard, I left Delhi due to some issues.  I remember, she came to my house requesting my father not to take me to Delhi. But God wanted something else. It has been 18 long years to our friendship.  We lived together only for 6 years. In short, the time we spent together is so small if compared to our Long Distance Friendship. Distance never became a barrier to our friendship but it made our friendship stronger. Calling you from STD booth was like best thing I could do when I shifted to Delhi. After I left Delhi, we met once in 2014 and that was the most perfect moment of our lives. You are the most polite, trust worthy friend of mine. I still remember the card you gave me in class 3RD writing,

“Roses are Red, Sky is Blue, Oh! My dear friend, I love you. ” 

We don’t have many photographs together but even these two photographs are like a jackpot in our life.

Class 5th group photograph


When we met in 2014

In the movie, “Dear Zindagi” Shahrukh Khan is Jug in Alia’s life, in the same manner Sahiba you are the “Jug” in my life. Proud to have a friend like you and I love you ❤
​“I am writing about Jug in my life for the #DearZindagi activity at BlogAdda “.

JUG IN MY LIFE

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There is no human on this planet that is without a friend. Every human being on this planet has one or two special friend in their lives that are always there with them. Everyone has their Jug in their life. Like Alia Bhatt has Sharukh Khan in her life in the movie, “Dear Zindagi”, we also have someone whom we call our Jug. I have always been an emotional person. I won’t count it as one of my positive qualities because people can easily make me fool, convinces me for what they want. This surely has landed me in serious problems many times in life. People doing this weren’t my enemies but my so called friends only whom I thought are the best people around me. I guess childhood is one of the best phases in one’s life. At that time people whom we call friends are always your friends. There isn’t any politics involved in that friendship. But as we grow up some friends are like friends with benefits, dual faced friends. When I shifted to Delhi from Jamshedpur, in the school I got admitted I made lots of friends but a lot of fights too happened every day. I was bullied in the school for my dark colour and I felt alone. May be even after having lots of friends, I had no friends around me. Last two years in that school were more miserable for me because I came to know truths of many so called best friends. Anyways, every one of us had to change our school after 10th. I had made up my mind that I won’t go in that school, where rest of my schoolmates will be going. I was done with them and always wanted to leave them now. I can’t fake something for a long time and when it comes to friendship, I can never ever do it. I took admission in a new school where no old classmates were with me. I was even scared that I don’t know anyone in that school except a name, “Aakriti”. I asked my new classmate about that girl and came to know that she was from some other section and was not present that day. Hardly, I made any friend on the first day of my school. Next day, that girl herself came to meet me in my class and from that day she has always been by my side. Thank you, for coming that day as I found an honest friend that day. History repeated itself to me even in my new school and this time it was worse. I was bullied a lot there also for my colour. I was not so confident and that time so I could not even fight back and an 11th class student complains to teacher doesn’t look good so I preferred to ignore. But this time, I surely had a true friend with me. Aakriti would never let me feel alone for once. Every day she would make sure that she comes to me during recess time and in all the free periods. I was happy to have her in my life. After a year, I left that school but the bond with Aakriti was never broken. It grew stronger. She has been the first true best friend in Delhi. I am like an open book to her. I have shared everything about my life with her. After I left that school, we never met but that never affected our friendship. She has been the dearest friend of mine. I even left that city but she is still the part of my life. She isn’t now just a friend of mine; she is a sister to me. Yes, a sister from another mother. We both are friends since more than 6 years but we don’t have a picture together. We haven’t gone for parties, hang out together. I cannot perfectly write the bond we share. I feel short of words when I need to express this. Aakriti, you have been a great friend, teacher, sister, and much more to me. You have guided me when I was wrong. You have scolded me when I was doing wrong and trusting wrong people. You have accepted me with all my flaws. You have been the most precious gift, God has given me. I would have written many posts on your birthday’s , would have tagged you in many pictures on Instagram or Facebook to express what you mean to me but today by writing this on my blog, I expressed it all and I can proudly say, “You are the Jug in my life.” 

​“I am writing about Jug in my life for the #DearZindagi activity at BlogAdda “.

Nidhi

Love You Zindagi

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​Dear Zindagi,

                         How do you manage handling so immature people like me? You are smiling reading this. But this is the biggest gospel. As you are always with us, we have become a bit mature. We don’t see you, touch you but we know you exist. You exist in everyone’s life and play a vital role. Today I am writing this letter because I want to pour out my heart. It’s never late to express. Isn’t it?

Zindagi, besides my parents you have taught me how to live and survive. How to love yourself? How to find beauty and happiness in ugly and bad things? You have been a great teacher whose teaching style is unique and mind blowing. Every human being whether it’s me or someone else around me must have hated you once in their life for sure. In my case, I hated you many times. I am really sorry for that Zindagi. Wish I could understand earlier your way of teaching and loving us. We immature people curse you every time when something bad happens with us rather than understanding that you surely have some better and best plans for us in your basket. 


Let me share you the times I hated you. I hated you the most, when I had to leave Delhi. Zindagi, trust me I had not cried that much when I was ditched by my best friend. I felt bad when my heart broke for the first time. But with time, I accepted the truth. But leaving Delhi, was the time I was not able to believe this truth. You know I would have loved the fact, when after leaving Delhi, I would have shifted to some another big city or to some other country. But shifting to Bihar was the biggest nightmare for me. I had really given up. When I was leaving and when I got admitted to new place every people around me asked me the same question. Do you know what? Everyone said, “People go to big cities after their schooling. I have seen first person, who did her whole schooling from Delhi and for higher studies came to Bihar.” Whenever someone would say this I used to cry a lot. I hated my life. I hated you Zindagi. But now living here for three years, I realized if my parents could really afford they would have never brought me here. If my uncle had not cheated my father, my father would never ever compromise with my studies and happiness. I was immature at that time. The only thing visible to me at that time was my dark future. I stopped talking to my parents. I used to fight with them a lot. Now I realise, the people who asked me these questions are not helping me financially. Even I shouted on my parents, they are the only one who are supporting me and have a belief that I will surely make them proud someday. Zindagi, I am thankful that you taught me this lesson. I feel ashamed the way, I fought with my parents rather than being their child I should have understand what they have been going through. Not to forget Zindagi, you made me realize the hidden talent inside me, my love for writing. If I had not been so alone, I would not have started writing. When some days, I receive messages like, “You write well. Wish to read more from you.” Trust me Zindagi, I feel like jumping and hugging you. When I win some writing competition, I am on heaven seven. When I receive winning badges and prizes from the sites I participate, I feel how much happy my parents are. Trust me, at that point of time, Zindagi I love you. 

Thank you Zindagi, for being my best friend, guide, saviour, teacher and for all those valuable lessons and selfless love you gave me. 

Sorry Zindagi, for hating you once upon a time. 

Forgive me Zindagi, for not realizing your worth.

 Love you Zindagi.

Lots of love, 

Nidhi

“I am writing a letter to life for the #DearZindagi activity at BlogAdda”.

Dear Zindagi, My favourite teacher

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Dear Zindagi,

                           You are the most precious thing in every human life. But some people really don’t know your worth or doesn’t care about it. I am very sorry Zindagi,as once upon a time, I was going to end my life. But dear Zindagi, You are my favourite teacher. Do you want to know why ? I will give you so many reasons for it. It’s because, I never learnt to accept failure. But Zindagi,you taught me to accept failure and rejection in life. Zindagi, till date, you gave me very little happiness of my life.But I know, you must have stored something big and rocking for my life. That’s the reason, I stopped quiting. I am fighting everyday with a big smile on my face. There are many incidents which made me sad but Zindagi, you taught me to stand, fight and live once again. I guess, I haven’t complained about anyone this much but I had lots of complaints from you. There were some days and night of few months when I hated you the most. But it was like,you did not wanted to give up on me. It felt you were determined that you won’t let me fall down. You taught me the valuable lessons of my life which I would love to share.

1. Parents are the most important people in everyone’s life. Listen to them. If they refuse for something,agree to them. One day or another, you will regret not listening to them.

2.Everyone around you is not your friend. Act wisely and trust people. The world is mean and some people around are with you with some aim. 

3. Don’t believe in showing off. The day you will success, everyone will see it themselves.

4. Very few people are born with silver spoon in their mouth. So work hard, and achieve all the success and fame yourself.

5. One of the most important lesson, you taught me is, Life is so much precious. Don’t think of attempting suicide or ending your life because someone left you who promised that they will never leave you alone.   “Live for yourself.”


Zindagi, you are filled with various emotions and you try showing all of them to us. Zindagi, the day, my best friend whom I considered as my best brother ditched me, the day I hated you.I wanted to end up my life. The day, when my heart broke for the very first time, was the time I hated you so much. The day, I had to leave Delhi, and my dream of studying in Delhi University broke. Trust me,Zindagi, I hated you the most. I had worked so hard in 12th so that I get admission in Delhi University and because of poor financial condition, after my schooling I had to leave Delhi, I hated you a lot. I had really gave up. I did not wanted to fight anymore. It was very much difficult for me to leave Delhi and shift to Bihar. I did not wanted to study anymore.

But Zindagi,now I realize, if my brother had not broken my trust,I would never stop trusting people blindly. If my heart would not had been broken, I would have never knew the true meaning of love. If I had not left Delhi,I would have never understood how parents manage to give every possible thing to their children.If I had not left Delhi,I would had never started writing. In this new place, I did not like any people and so I started penning down my emotions. And today,I have very deep love for writing.   Although, you snatched much from me but now I don’t have complaints. The way you teach us is different and unique. Elders around us keep on saying and teaching same things to us and we don’t listen to them. Once Zindagi, you teach us the same lesson we never ever forget it and we even pass the same to our younger ones. 

So,Thank you Zindagi, you taught me the most valuable, precious lessons of life. Zindagi, you are quite similar to those teachers in school, who are very much strict from outside,keep scolding you. But in heart, they want your success. Zindagi,you make us fall, so that next time we walk, we walk with open eyes. Happiness and sadness are like two side of coins and Zindagi you makes us teach the worth of each of them. 

I love you Zindagi, because you gave me too and I know you are having some block buster happiness for my life. Sorry for complaining.You are my most favourite teacher and will always be as no one other than you would have been holding me tight, when I shouted on you and wanted to run away from you. Dear Zindagi, you deserve the biggest thank you.❤ 

Loads of love

Nidhi

“I am writing a letter to life for the #DearZindagi activity at BlogAdda”.