​THE LAST LETTER TO CRUSH 

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Dear Crush,

You know this is the last crush diary I am writing for you. Why?  

am tired of expressing my feelings. It hurts me every day. I met many people in my life but did not find anyone so good that my whole mind and heart is covered with that particular person thought. The first day I saw you I just liked you by your looks. With the passing of days your nature, the way you spoke, the way you smile and the way you handled certain situations with patience made me fall for you. The day I realized that I just do not like you, I am madly in love with you. With each day my love for you kept growing. There came a time when without seeing you one day I would feel restless. Even I would see your shadow I would have thousand volt smiles on my face. 

I still remember the first time I messaged you on Facebook and from that day we used to talk randomly. But I never had the courage to speak more than Hello, Good evening or Good Morning. On 23rd December 2016 when I messaged and you asked me, “How are you?” This small message from you just gave me bit courage to talk more to you. It was the first day when I appreciated you a lot on your face. In the flow, I even told you that how much I appreciate you in front of my parents too. I know you recognize me well from the face but from the name you knew me only after that day. I could not stop blushing when next day we met and you said you have a nice name. Trust me, since that day I have started loving my name more. I know you would have forgotten all this but how can I forget? 

I know even you notice me smiling at you. I know you have caught me several times staring at you. I never knew I would fall so much for you that I would feel restless when I did not get a chance to see you or talk to you. You made me sure of the fact that you know that I love you. If you do not know why did you smile whenever you would notice me? The memories of January 2017 are still fresh in my mind. I complimented you for one of your jacket and next day you came wearing that jacket. I know you came in front of me deliberately to show me the jacket. How can you expect me to be normal? Anyone could read my face and know I was blushing. I know even you noticed it. 

You know on your birthday I was awakened whole night from 12 AM. The birthday wishes I sent you, was written by me a day before only. I wanted to wish you when you were online and you came online in the morning. You know I never keep my birthday public on Facebook. But this year I kept it open because I had a little hope that you might wish me. But it is rightly said, “Expectations leads to Disappointment.” 

Do you remember I once asked you if you use twitter? And you replied saying that you use Instagram.Like a 2-year-old girl, I got excited to tell you that I already know this and follow you there.  I usually like your pictures on Facebook when you are online. I want that you don’t miss that notification. I wish to speak everything but feel scared.I have dozens of memories attached to you but the sad part is it is all one-sided. 

I have actually poured out my heart in front of many people but now I even stopped doing that. The reason behind everyone would say me the same thing that you are hurting yourself. He does not even know. They are actually right. I wish if the heart was also as smart as the brain. 

There are many special people in my life. I would have written dozens of posts for them but you are the first person for whom I kept on writing and wrote hundreds of crush diaries. The worst part is that I know you would not have read even a single one. But still, I am fine. I am actually satisfied because by posting these I can cherish my one-sided love forever. 

I know until the right time comes and I will be in a state to tell you my feelings you will be gone far from my life. But at present even I am helpless. It’s not about getting a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. My confession to you at present would destroy many things. You are an amazing person I have ever known. I fell in love with everything in you; from your simplicity to your calm nature. In the way, you talk to the way you react to certain situations. I know I won’t get married to you in this birth but I hope the person I get married to be the photocopy of you.

The last thing I would say that after reading this letter you will actually know who you are. I would love if you message me with a confirmation. I have much more things in the heart to say that I want to say only to you. I know you may not love me back but let me at least pour out my heart completely. 

I love you… ❤

– Nidhi

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